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Undergraduates, Postgraduates, Academics and Elders
Crusoe observes that the young BSer, or “undergraduate” is initiated into the rites of the village (“School”) when he submits to a series of catechisms (“examinations”). As with other catechisms, the essential elements are summaries of the principles of the BS faith (“textbooks”). These summaries, many of which are actually quite long, typically have dry and turgid contents seemingly designed to try undergraduates’ endurance and muddle their capacity to think rigorously for themselves. Books with an established ability to help capitalists allocate capital more effectively, such as those written by successful practitioners such as Benjamin Graham, appear on very few BS reading lists and on equally few BS library shelves. His ignored or banished books include Security Analysis: The Classic 1934 Edition (McGraw-Hill, 1996, ISBN: 0070244960);The Interpretation of Financial Statements: The Classic 1937 Edition (Harper Business, 1998, ISBN: 0887309135); The Intelligent Investor: A Book of Practical Counsel (HarperBusiness, 1949, rev. ed. 2003, with commentary by Jason Zweig, ISBN: 0060555661) and The Rediscovered Benjamin Graham: Selected Writings of the Wall Street Legend by Janet Lowe (John Wiley & Sons, 1999, ISBN: 0471244724).
The tests BSers give to their undergraduates comprise relatively standard questions and rote answers. Questions which challenge the immorality of the Politicians’ plunder or of Academics’ dependence upon it are never put to undergraduates (and, indeed, are but rarely mentioned among Academics). Undergraduates are expected to recite their answers at a level of quality acceptable to Academics (or, more likely, their delegates, an amorphous, transient and untouchable caste called “Tutors”). The vast majority of undergraduates leave the School once they have survived its final catechisms and are anointed with a B.Bus, B.Com or B.Ec.
Those undergraduates whose faith in Politicians or dislike of entrepreneurship and capitalism is ardent (or can think of nothing else to do with themselves) remain on Academic Island and thereby become “postgraduates.” The “priestly” postgraduate (as opposed to the “lay” postgraduate who seeks the right – “MBA” – to minister BS doctrine to islanders), whose fervent desire is to become an Academic (i.e., a formal member of the clan), is not admitted formally to membership until two things occur. First, the postgraduate must complete a particularly long, arduous and arcane ritual of “REE-search” culminating in a sacramental offering (“thesis”) to the School. The thesis usually contains one or more “models” and must exhibit a degree of workmanship acceptable to the School’s high-status members. Second, the postgraduate must persuade a School’s high-status members (not necessarily those to whom he submitted the thesis) to confer upon him the formal right to receive a specified share of the booty that the Politicians expropriate from islanders.
The admission as a formal member of the BS clan is conferred in an intricate rite whose particulars vary from village to village. In the Schools whose members are particularly impressed with their own importance (the practice in hinterland villages is much less strict), the new BS Academic must continue to demonstrate fanatical adherence to the “REE-search” ritual and the production of useless “publications.” If he fails to do so he may be banished from the School and cast into the wilderness (i.e., obliged to get a real job among the islanders whose exertions hitherto supported him). This practice may seem heartless, but BSers – even those whose status is low and whose chances of formal clan membership seem to be slim – defend it as an essential tradition that upholds the sanctity of BS and the strength of the School. The expectation is thus high that young Academics will undertake a strenuous course of private prayer (“REE-search”), semi-public confession (“conferences”) and public self-applause (“publications”). In contrast, BSers (and Academics more generally) show considerable compassion in the way they care for their elderly. Once selected as an Elder (“Professor”), the member often needs to do little or nothing but will nonetheless continue to receive a disproportionate and guaranteed amount of the Politicians’ plunder.
The Totems of the BS
The Latin origin the word “model” implies a tangible implement that can be readily imitated and put to a practical and remunerative use. When he first heard BSers use the term (they use it very frequently) Crusoe interpreted it in this way; but he soon realised that this usage blinded him to key aspects of BSers’ social structure. He eventually realised that BSers’ minds are hammers that render most words malleable; accordingly, “model” has evolved into an abstract term that dominates the BSers’ perception of virtually all social relationships – including relations with other tribes, other castes and relations within a caste. Accordingly, when he explains to a stranger why he holds other tribes (such as the Historians or the Sociologists or the Political Scientists) in such low regard, the BSer (particularly from the Finance and Accounting castes) will simply say “they do not make models.”
The dominant role of the “model” within the “REE-search” ceremony can be adequately described only with reference to a given caste. Most castes have a Basic Model of relatively simple pattern and adornment; and the models made by its individual members are elaborations (albeit much more garishly embellished in order to draw attention to themselves and acquire higher status) of the Basic Model. Crusoe finds that BSers define the social relationships between members of two castes in terms of their respective Basic Models. If a member of the Finance caste, for example, is asked why the Marketers do not associate closely, pray, celebrate or intermarry with the Finance, he will answer “they make a different model” or (more likely and with a slight sneer) “they do not know the Capital Asset Pricing Model.”
Crusoe discovers that it is very difficult to elicit from a member of one caste a coherent and intelligible account of what distinguishes his caste from another. These accounts reduce, in virtually every instance, to an assertion that the Basic Models are simply different. Crusoe therefore uses the term “totem” to refer to the Basic Model of a caste. Crusoe, by the way, notes that no taboo prohibits BSers from discussing with strangers matters to do with caste, status and totem. Indeed, far from being reticent BSers tend to be quite verbose on this subject. The problem is that what they have to say about other castes consists almost entirely of elementary expressions of caste- and totem-prejudice. This prejudice is unaffected by the indistinguishable nature (to Crusoe’s untrained but experienced and sharply practical eye) of one caste’s totem vis-à-vis another. All totems, in other words, implicitly praise the Politicians and (sometimes explicitly) denigrate self-made entrepreneur-capitalists such as Crusoe.
A few eyewitness reports – almost always coming from within the caste – claim that the totem of the Finance caste has occasionally struck gold. Although he does not necessarily dispute the veracity of these reports and the integrity of their reporters, Crusoe discounts them. He observes that the prospecting ceremony of this caste is seldom (if ever) conducted over unknown ground. Further, what the eyewitnesses have reported seems to be no more than the “discovery” of veins that have been known to entrepreneurs-capitalists for generations. In contrast, there are much more reliable eyewitness reports that the CAP-M totem has occasionally caused great calamity and upset outside Academic Island (see in particular Roger Lowenstein, When Genius Failed: The Rise and Fall of Long-Term Capital Management, Random House, 2000, ASIN: 037550317X and Origins of the Crash: The Great Bubble and Its Undoing, The Penguin Press, 2004, ISBN: 1594200033).
...continued in Part V
 
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